The caveman diet requires calculus.

What is so damnably important about going back 10,000 years to be guided by the caveman diet and lifestyle?  It can’t be the filth, danger, and unprotected sex, can it?

Actually, yes.  What we’re finding out is that dirt (or filth if you want to be dramatic) is actually an important, if not critical, piece of human health.  See, humans are actually more bacteria than human, so it stands to reason that we ought to reach out and embrace those bacteria.  Where can we find them if embrace them we must?  In the fucking dirt, yo.  As more and more babies are brought up in anti-bacterial totally anti-septic completely clean room environments with Mom wiping their nose and their butt with different colors of bleach wipe, well, you get the point.  We ain’t getting dirty enough.  We ain’t enough of ourselves to keep our selves going.   So, A1, embrace the filth.

Second (or B): I’m hearing this term “hormesis” get bandied about quite a bit lately, like it’s some ultra scientific discovery and a mark of intelligence just in using it.  It’s fucking stress, stress is good for you until it kills you, and if you want the full and total human experience you’ve got to toe that line as often as you can.  Eat some honey straight out of the hive, for Christ sake.  Want to get big?  Stress your muscles.  Want to get smart?  Stress your brain.  Want to get lean?  Stress your guts.  It’s not rocket surgery, and it gets way cooler if you kick it up a notch into Mithridatism, but that’s another article.  We were talking about caveman and calculus.

Think they didn’t use calculus?  Try throwing anything at anybody (be responsible, if you kill someone it’s your fault, not mine) without using calculus.  Think you don’t?  Listen bub, you get into the inner workings of your own brain deep enough and you’ll find calculations being made that make the latest terafloppy devices look like popguns at a nuke-off.  You may not be able to translate those calculations on paper, but that’s just because you’re too lazy to do it every time.  Throwing things is generally considered more fun than calculatin’.

C, you didn’t get where you are without unprotected sex.  Don’t knock it, it’s what made you.  That and the occasional box of delicious paleo cookies delivered to your door (since 2009, that is.)  Keep chargin’ the Tannhauser gate, C-men & women.

Leave a Reply

Please use your real name instead of you company name or keyword spam.